Monday, March 14, 2011

The Smashing Coconut Test: Hand Axe

Prepare to get messy. You will inevitably engage in hand to hand combat with the walking dead, and there will be many situations calling for it.  You may be trapped & surrounded, trying to save ammunition, attempting a stealthy kill, or all of the above.  

We will need effective weapons and the right technique to succeed.  Whatever your weapon of choice, we must agree that we should be able to destroy a zombie with a SINGLE blow.  If you are not sure of your own, give this a try.

Fellow survivors, I present to you:


Why the SCT:  The only sure way of destroying a zombie is to smash its brain. To do that, we should test what works and what does not.  Effectiveness is measured by the amount of effort needed to achieve brain destruction.  

$0.12 each

The Coconut:  Buy a few fresh coconuts, ask the vendor to get you one which is about to harden. At this stage, it has a similar density and toughness of a zombie's head.  Do not get a brown or dried coconut.  The fibers will be too tough for an accurate simulation.  

Preparation: Place the coconut on top of a stable platform.  Be sure that there is nobody near you while you are conducting this test!  Make a few practice swings of your weapon.  Attempt to simulate an actual swing that you will use in combat. Big outlandish swings are not practical.

The Weapon:  I have selected a hand axe manufactured by Creston purchased at Ace Hardware for Php 350.00 ($8.00).  It has a two pound head and durable haft.  I plan to keep this as my melee weapon once my shotgun is out of ammo.  I can draw my pistol with my right hand and keep the axe on my left.  With this I can engage the maximum number of undead at close range.  

The Test:  I need to be able to destroy a zombie with one blow using my left hand.  I will use an overhead strike with that hand and see how much damage I could do. My right hand is holding a toy pistol to simulate my combat technique.  

Technique: I drew it with my left hand from my belt, raised it up above my head in a smooth circular motion, and smashed it in a downward motion.  A zombie will be coming at me with both arms stretched, so my striking arm should be able to go right between theirs.

Results:  I have successfully destroyed the menacing coconut with one blow!  I am very pleased with the results. As you could see, the wedge shape of the weapon splits the round object in two.  I took another swing at a second coconut and also had the same results.  To complete the test, I shot the third coconut (not shown) with the toy gun.

Conclusion:  I am confident that the Creston hand axe is an effective close-quarters weapon.  It is light enough to wield with one hand while the other uses a firearm. I could even double the fun by using a second axe on my right hand.

After the test, I was rewarded with a pitcher of fresh juice and a nice coconut salad c/o Mrs. Zombie Hunter.  Ain't she the best?

Stay vigilant!


  1. that is crazy, i damn cut off a toe... i am wild with the ax.

  2. I worry for your toe, stay safe comrade!

    (a cold salad could soothe many aches)